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Friday, September 14, 2007

It’s a crazy world we live in, isn’t it? I am a 40 year old mother but I’m raising a grand child as well. Married to the pastor of a local church who also has a day job, I stay at home. I rear the children, do part time secretarial work at our church and make my very best attempt to write – something, anything every day.

Finally it is quiet again during my days; fairly quiet anyway. Having just come off a six month stint of foster parenting my newest grandson, spending the summer entertaining him and my eight year old son and five year old grand daughter, I have finally gotten them settled into school and the youngest with momma. I now have a little more time to think.

The trouble is that there are so many things to think about. If you followed my brain waves you could only do so by moving from place to place at the speed of light. That is if you intended to keep up with them. Don’t understand? I’m not surprised. But that is exactly what I mean!

Just a little while ago, I was looking in the cabinets to plan this week’s grocery list. While I was looking over the meager supply I was mentally and emotionally preoccupied with my grown daughters. (Which, if you have grown children, you understand why we are financially stable enough for me to be an at-home mom yet our cabinets hold a meager supply.)

Both of my girls have families. Yet, both are financially unable to care for those families. A lack of work ethic, not enough birth control and drug addiction all play a part in their delicate situations. Yes, I said drug addiction. You won’t find me as one of those parents attempting to cover up the reality in my family. The only thing more embarrassing than addiction taking control of a child is an enabling parent trying to cover it up. (Thus far I believe the better part of my family to be in a partial denial – so if you see them – don’t mention this. . .)
No seriously. As I was checking my cabinets and thinking about what to make for dinner, I was also thinking about drug addiction and enabling. At the same time I was wondering what kind of casserole I could top off with the small pieces left in the chip bag I was asking myself how many more times am I going to help my grown child out with food, bills, etc. before I come to the end of myself. Am I an enabler?

Is that not the craziest thing?! Well, that is what led me here. To find both answers I sat down in front of this skinny flat book like thing on my desk that connects me to the outside world. Truthfully, I can find the answer to my recipe question with relative ease and as for general information regarding my enabling personality and activities? That type of information is easily found on the World Wide Web. As for whether or not I am an enabler – we probably both know the answer to that as well, but I’m working on that and in the mean time, I want to take a minute to say to those of you who have similar or even worse situations . . . We can find general information here, on the computer, support from friends or colleagues, or even other family members, but let’s remember not to leave God out of the equation.

Though alternatives to the 12 Step Program are being offered in order to leave God OUT of it – I still believe HE is where we must begin - whether we are the addicted or we are addicted to the addicted, God and His principle for our lives are the answer.

Be encouraged in the Lord! There is hope and help for my baby and yours! I will be praying for you . . . please pray for us! God Bless!

2 Samuel 22:7
In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried to my God: and He did hear my voice out of His temple, and my cry did enter into His ears.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

It is eleven twelve pm on August 29th, 2007. I am sitting at a friends computer so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. Tomorrow, I go home. I have been here for several days. My friend and I have worked together, talked together, relaxed together, shopped together, etc. The day I left for this trip, I had lunch with a minister friend of mine - like a grown up woman - all by myself. To most of you that tidbit of information is not important, but there are of few of you out there with envy in your hearts. Oh yes, I know you're out there.

Why is it significant that I ate lunch, then traveled alone, doing grown up things? I am a grandmother. Not just any ole grandmother, but I am a grandmother with small children in the house. Though I have an eight year old of my own, I am also raising a grand daughter. Recently, I returned a grand son to his mother. Rather, the court system has. Long story, more on that later. Anyway, times are few and far between that I get to make a bathroom trip alone, much less take a trip or have a lunch date. I have been confined to my house for what seems like decades, but they opened the gate recently and I ventured outside. I like it. And guess what? The world hasn't come to an end. My family has survived and so have I. Matter of fact, I think they like me better.

Though my situation seems to getting better, there are those out there with situations that seem to have no end in sight. Are you one of those people? If you are, I would love to hear from you. Now that I may once again be able to resume my writing career, I am interested in hearing your story. Please send me a hello or email me at aksutton40@gmail.com. In the mean time - don't give up. What you are doing is worth it. It's not for the big kids anyway, right? It's for the grands - and they are definitely grand. Don't you think? Let me know.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

School started today! Praise the Lord! Sure, it has it's drawbacks. No quiet mornings while everyone is sleeping because they stayed up too late the night before, but welcome are the long quiet days! Now maybe I will get to some writing and finish those late lessons.

It is always difficult at first around our house though. My grand daughter started kindergarten this morning. She was full of excitement as she anticipated going to school, but when she actually arrived and grandma was leaving, it was quite a different story. Her tears came instantly and mine came as I drove away from the school.

My son began the 3rd grade this morning with a full understanding of what was going to happen, but still cried about it last night. He simply would rather be with me all day. The funny thing is that being with me constitutes sitting in his room, playing his Nintendo DS, watching his tv and only coming out long enough to inform me he wants chicken nuggets, pizza, or hamburgers and tea. Other than an occasional cinnamon roll or pancake for breakfast that IS his diet. He likes things the way he likes them. Don't we all. Creatures of habit - good or bad. We like it like it has always been. We want to do what we've always done. It's comfortable and easy.

I am definitely a creature of habit. I recently went on a 21 day fast. I've never fasted that long before, but I felt it was spiritual ground I needed to take. Going in, I was honest with God. "I don't think I can do this, but out of obedience, I'll try." The truth is, I like stuffing my face with whatever I want, whenever I want and when I am under stress, I like it even more. Like others, I like things the way I like them.

Most of us do not like to be pushed out of that comfort zone we have nestled into, but most often, the best things in life lie just outside.

Miracles began to happen and the Spirit of God began to move mightily as I moved through that 21 days of fasting and my personal discomfort became a small thing in comparison. Did I know that that would happen as I contemplated such a long fast? No, I did not and I would not have if I had not forged ahead into uncharted territory.

It is the same with my 3rd grader and my kindergarten bound grand daughter. They will experience wonderful things they never dreamed possible, but only after they endure the hardship of their first days and weeks in a strange new place with strange new people.

My first inclination is to save them from their discomfort. Bring them home, homeschool them until their fifty and forget about the outside world forever - but that would harm them - not help them. It would squelch who God designed them to be, just as hiding in our comfort zone does to us. Our first inclination is to run from the new things God places in front of us, but in a word of advice - don't. Many times God has shown himself faithful but not until I have demonstrated a willingness to step out beyond what I knew to be solid ground. A challenge to you. Try it, just once, just a little, and see what will happen . . . you won't be sorry!

Be blessed!